Her White Lie Read online

  I could see that Lucas did love me. I had to stop paddling in the shallow end or get out of the pool. So I told him. Not over dinner in a busy restaurant but lying on his sofa one night. Just quietly, no big fuss. I leaned in to the warmth of his face and whispered in his ear. ‘I love you too’.

  After that, things quickly moved into the next phase and within a week I was saying goodbye to Dad and moving in with Lucas.

  * * *

  The alarm buzzing at the far side of the bed shocks me back to the present. I didn’t drift off to sleep until the early hours and now I would love nothing more than to stay here wrapped up in the duvet for the rest of the day. Still more asleep than awake, Lucas lifts his arm out to quieten the buzzer. He always does that, sometimes two or three times. I check the phone one more time before shuffling out onto the cold wooden floor and heading for the ensuite. I’m knackered, hopefully the shower will wake me up.

  Slightly refreshed, I step out of the shower thinking how Lucas and I have already formed so many habits. I’m always first into the shower in the morning. Lucas waits until I’m back in the room before he gets out of bed. Then he goes to the kitchen and switches on the coffee machine. It’s almost twenty minutes before either of us verbally acknowledges one another. But today is different. I walk back into the room and Lucas says, ‘Are you expecting a delivery or something?’

  ‘Not that I know of. Why?’

  ‘There’s someone downstairs. They asked for you on the intercom.’

  ‘Can they not just leave whatever it is in the lobby box?’

  ‘Maybe you have to sign for it.’

  ‘For fuck’s sake, at this hour of the morning?’ I run a brush through my wet hair and throw on the nearest tracksuit I can find.

  ‘Be a doll and toast me a bagel,’ I say, leaving the bedroom. This had better be good, I think. Dragging me down to the front door at this hour!

  ‘I’ll toast you a bagel but I won’t be a doll.’ Lucas laughs out loud as I pull on a pair of slippers and stumble out of the apartment door. I’m halfway down the stairs when I realise I forgot my phone. What if Faye rings back and I miss her call again? Damn it. In the lobby I am walking to the front door when I hear a deep voice call my name.

  ‘Tara Moore.’

  I turn to see a man and a woman standing over near the letterboxes. She’s about four inches taller than he is and standing with her legs apart and her arms behind her back. She’s wearing a blue suit, and a white shirt. If she wasn’t also wearing such a poker face, she’d actually be very pretty. The man isn’t as stern. He takes a step closer to where I’m glued to the floor. If I move, I’m going to collapse. I know exactly what I’m looking at.

  ‘Detective Evan Mullins and this is Detective Siobhan Lee.’ He looks around at the lobby, clearly deciding it is an inappropriate space for an interrogation as he says, ‘Is there somewhere we could have a word?’

  I nod. I’m nodding like a toy dog in a car window because I can’t move any other part of my body. Detective Siobhan Lee notices my state and steps closer. Her voice is a lot softer than her expression when she speaks.

  ‘It’s nothing to worry about, Tara, just a few questions. You’re not in any trouble.’

  I’m not convinced. I know they say that to everyone before locking the cell door. But I have no choice here. I can’t have them questioning me in front of everyone on their way out to work. I’ll have to bring them up to the apartment.

  ‘Can you give me a minute?’ I say. ‘My fiancé is still asleep.’

  ‘Sure, go on ahead, we’ll follow up in five minutes.’

  Slowly, I move towards the stairs and when I know they can’t see me anymore I take the steps three at a time. I run to the apartment door and bang on it, shouting, ‘Lucas, Lucas!’

  Lucas opens the door and I push past him, gasping for air.

  ‘They’re here; the cops are here.’

  ‘The cops… where?’ he says, sticking his head out the door.

  ‘They’re downstairs, they’ll be here in a minute. Get dressed.’

  ‘What are the cops doing here, Tara?’ Lucas looks a bit confused, probably wondering what the hell he is getting into, marrying me.

  ‘They didn’t say yet but I bet it’s about Huntley Lodge.’

  ‘Huntley Lodge?’ He’s standing still, staring at me.

  ‘The house that was on the news, the one where the body was found… can you get dressed, Lucas? They’ll be here in—’

  ‘Tara,’ Lucas says. ‘Tara,’ he says again. This time I look up. The two detectives are standing beside him.

  ‘Thank you,’ the woman says and moves into the room. The man follows. Detective Lee puts her hand on my shoulder.

  ‘Are you okay, Tara? You seem very nervous.’

  I can barely breathe. There are two cops standing in my apartment waiting to ask me questions. Clenching my trembling hands, I turn away from their stare and take a deep breath to calm myself down. I have to act cool. They cannot see how scared I am.

  Chapter Eleven

  Faye

  I’m lying in my bed with the phone in my hand waiting for Tara Moore to ring me back. I left a message earlier when the bitch didn’t answer. How busy can she be? It’s not like making a cup of coffee takes that much concentration.

  That’s right. I know what she does. And I know where she does it. That little coffee shop on the quays. It’s amazing what you can find out from social media. I also know where she lives. I was able to figure it out by using the location map on Google with one of her ‘moving in’ bragging photos. Tara was standing outside a modern apartment block holding a big box in her hands pretending to be struggling with it. But that’s not what I saw. What I saw was someone saying, Look at me, moving in to this wonderful expensive apartment! Didn’t I do well?

  Pulling the duvet up to my neck I take the phone from under my pillow and check it again. Still no reply. Maybe I should not have come to bed so early because my mind has gone off in a tangent of worry. I should have watched the TV for a while or gone for a walk – anything to relax the tension pulsating through my body. I have to talk to her; she has to know not to mention my name if someone comes asking about our stay in Huntley.

  I could ring her back but that would look desperate and I don’t want to look desperate. I need her to think this is just a passing request, no big deal. ‘Just leave me out of it, Tara,’ I’ll say. ‘I’m too busy to be bothering with such matters.’

  I’m hoping she’ll just agree not to mention my name without asking me why. Even though she knows why. She knows exactly why. And it’s all her bloody fault.

  Also, I don’t want my father to find out the police want to question me because I know what his reaction will be. He’ll freak out and say ‘For God’s sake, Faye, what have you got yourself involved in now and what am I going to tell Larry?’ Larry is the friend of my father’s who rented Huntley Lodge to us in the first place. I imagine my father’s words echoing in my head. His disappointed voice bouncing off the walls of my skull. I place my hands on my head and urge the torment to leave. Why is this happening now? Will I never be able to say goodbye to the past?

  I thought I had. The more time passed, the less I thought about Huntley and Tara Moore’s betrayal. It was packed away at the back of my mind in a box marked ‘Do not open’.

  But now the box is open. The past is creeping out over the edge. Poison seeping into my thoughts. Confusing them, controlling them. I do not need this now but I’m unable to stop the disappointment festering as hate all over again. It’s travelling through my body now, that sick feeling swelling in my stomach. My head begins to throb. I can see the empty glasses, the bare skin, the empty packet.

  Suddenly I bolt up in the bed, my eyes open wide, staring at the bare wall in front of me like I’m waking from a desperate nightmare. I look around the room, the familiar shadows helping me breathe easier. I must not go there.

  After a few minutes I’m relaxed. Well… more relaxed. I
’m still a bit edgy so I swallow water from the bottle on my bedside locker and try to take my thoughts somewhere nicer. To my graduation day when I finally put a smile on my father’s face. Finally, I had my degree and he could mention me with pride just like he did his other children. Faye has qualified from medical school. It’s not what she wanted but hell, it’s what Daddy wanted. I picture my graduation photo. He’s standing beside me with his arm on my shoulder; Mam is on the other side. Mam is her usual grateful self. Her mood seldom changes. She’s like an observer standing on the edge of everyone else’s life. Unable to comment for fear of being wrong. She just smiles and obeys and makes sure the rest of us have what we need.

  I’m happy in this picture. I smile and say ‘Cheese’ before realising something is missing. I don’t know what it is at first. I’m looking around me, scanning the crowd for her face. But she isn’t here.

  My phone beeps, dragging me back to the present. I sit up in the bed and grab it from under my pillow. But it isn’t her. It’s just a text from my sister asking me how I am and if everything is okay.

  I wish I could tell her it’s not. That everything is far from okay but I don’t want to bother her.

  All good. Hope to see you at the weekend xx

  I reply, then flop back onto my pillow.

  My eyes don’t close. I think they might be afraid to so I look at the slice of sky on view through the slit in the curtains. It’s just a peek at space but it settles me to know how big the world is. How unimportant I am. To that bright star twinkling in the far distance, I am not even visible. This brings comfort to me. Reminding me that nothing I do actually matters. Slowly I close my eyes and let peace float through my mind. It warms my body. I feel sleepy; my mind is closing down for the night. Maybe I’ll dream of Andriu.

  Chapter Twelve

  Then

  ‘You get it,’ I say, shoving a bunch of towels into the washing machine. Tara’s dad was here earlier while we were at college. He fixed the washing machine because it wouldn’t empty properly and he also put some light bulbs where they were badly needed around the house. He’s really handy like that, which is why he has a key. We can just ring him and the next day the problem is solved. He even cleaned the spare room for us when Robin left last month. Robin was a friend of a friend from college who had moved in two months earlier, a couple of weeks after we did. Then she had done a runner without paying the rent. It took a while for us to realise she had actually gone because it wasn’t unusual for her to disappear for a few days. I only became suspicious when I knocked on her door for the third time that week and got no answer. I was pissed off at first but when Tara walked in and saw the room had been cleared out she started to laugh and couldn’t stop. Then I started to laugh. We both fell onto the small bed and laughed until we couldn’t laugh anymore.

  Tara goes to open the front door. Today we met three possible housemates to take Robin’s room: a girl out of Tara’s history class; a food delivery guy who’s over here studying English from Spain and up for consideration because he said he could get us free takeaways; and the third girl, Annemarie, who works in college administration. She’s probably the best candidate; she’s our age, seems to be a bit of fun and who knows when we might need someone in administration on our side.

  ‘Faye.’

  I lift my gaze from the machine settings and look to where Tara is standing in the doorway.

  ‘One more,’ she says, her eyes alight with excitement as she pulls a face.

  ‘One more what?’ I say, lifting the linen basket to bring it back upstairs. When I see the body walking into the kitchen behind Tara I drop it again and quickly push my hair off my face.

  ‘This is Andriu,’ she says, grinning before sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes. Andriu can’t see what she’s doing because he’s behind her. He’s wearing jeans, a white T-shirt and a leather jacket – and if it wasn’t 2015 I’d say he was hoping to join the cast of Grease. His dark hair hangs loosely to one side of his tanned face. Andriu is a good bit taller than I am and either he works out a lot or he’s been blessed by the God of genes.

  ‘Andriu, pleased to meet you,’ I say, stepping closer and holding my hand out. He moves forward and takes it, shaking it slowly while his dark eyes hold my stare.

  ‘He’s here about the room to rent,’ Tara says, standing behind him now.

  ‘He is?’ I say, replying to Tara but still staring at Andriu. It’s like he has me under a spell. When he eventually releases his grip on my hand I turn away from him.

  ‘Are you studying at the college?’ I ask. It’s the only place we have advertised the room so I’m guessing he is.

  ‘Sort of.’

  ‘Sort of? How can you be “sort of” studying?’

  ‘I’m sort of studying too,’ Tara adds in the background, hoping to get a laugh. But it’s like we don’t hear her.

  ‘My work is top secret,’ he says, smiling and showing off a mouthful of gleaming teeth. I take a deep breath. This guy is gorgeous.

  ‘And yourself?’ he asks.

  ‘Medicine.’

  ‘Ouch, brainy and sexy.’

  He has me now. It’s not just his good looks, his broad shoulders or his addictive smile, there’s something very mature and sexy about him. Like he has a world of experience behind him and yet remains calm. Whatever it is, he’s definitely different to the usual college guys who are always trying too hard. He’s cool. That’s it. Andriu is cool.

  ‘And will you be looking to move in soon if we decide you’re a suitable candidate?’ I ask, but before he can answer, I say, ‘But let me warn you, we have parties here most weekends so if that doesn’t suit…’

  ‘I’m sure I can live with that,’ he says, stepping towards the sink and looking out into the back garden.

  ‘Before you ask, she’s not ours, she was here when we got here.’ Tara giggles.

  ‘Who?’ Andriu says.

  ‘Holy Mary, the statue by the wall.’

  Andriu chuckles then turns his attention back to me. I want to offer him the room straight away… and join him in it. But I have to discuss it with Tara. We’ll need a reference. I don’t want to get caught out again like we did with Robin.

  ‘I can give you a month in advance,’ he says, as if reading my mind. Andriu takes his wallet from his back pocket.

  ‘Well, we have to discuss it first. There are other candidates.’

  ‘Sure, I understand. Do you want me to wait outside?’ He points to the door, casting another smile in my direction. ‘Or if it’s a problem, don’t worry about it. You might rather have a female. I get it.’

  ‘No it’s not that,’ I say, not that at all.

  ‘It’s just… I have another offer that I have to reply to today… and…’ He leaves his dilemma hanging in the air.

  ‘Okay, myself and Tara will have a chat. Can you wait outside for a few minutes?’

  Andriu steps out into the hallway, leaving Tara and me looking at one another like we’ve just won the lotto.

  ‘What do you think?’ Tara says.

  ‘I kinda liked Annemarie from admin,’ I say.

  ‘Me too… but she doesn’t look anything like him.’

  Pausing for a moment, I look at Tara, who’s waiting patiently for me to make my mind up.

  ‘He probably has loads of hot friends,’ she says, smirking. ‘I know who I want.’

  I feel like a mammy in a sweet shop holding my decision on whether my child can have something. I’ve already made my mind up but it’s worth teasing it out to build the excitement.

  ‘Okay, sure. We’ve nothing to lose; he says he’ll pay upfront. Let’s give him a trial.’

  ‘Andriu.’ Tara calls him back in.

  The wind blows open the back door when Andriu walks in. Tara rushes over to close it and puts an empty keg up against it to keep it closed.

  ‘If you’re happy with the room we’ll give it a try for a few months, see if it suits us all,’ I say.

  ‘Sou
nds like a plan, can I move in straight away?’

  ‘Don’t you want to see the room?’

  I move out to the hallway and Andriu follows. Pushing open the door of the room next to the kitchen, we step inside. An old black leather sofa sits against one wall with a couple of threadbare cushions at each end. A wooden chair with a spindle missing from the backrest sits against another wall. The large black TV looks out of place in the corner of the room. It’s the only modern thing in here. My dad bought it for me when I moved in and had Sky come out to rig it up. Andriu nods his approval when I tell him we have all the stations. Then we move back out to the hallway and I take him up the creaky wooden stairs towards the small bedroom at the front of the house. On the landing, the smell of green tea lingers in the air from when I used the shower earlier. Andriu is commenting on how clean the place smells when I open the door and show him his room.

  ‘Perfect,’ he says when he walks in. ‘Well, perfect for two hundred euros,’ he chuckles.

  ‘I know it’s small but we don’t have any neighbours to bother us and it’s close to the college.’

  Andriu plonks himself down on the single bed which just about fits along one wall. There’s a picture of a single yellow flower hanging on the wall above the wooden headboard. I lean on the bed to straighten it but instead I take it down. ‘You’ll probably be wanting to put your own stuff in here,’ I say, tossing the picture onto the small chest of drawers beside me, before looking back at Andriu. He says nothing, but smiles. I find myself holding his stare a little longer than is necessary and a rush of heat flushes up my face. I get the feeling it won’t be the last time I’ll be on this bed with this man.